Regarding Diversity

The workplace was never intended to mirror the U.N. or to introduce us to the intricacies of the caste system. As a professional, I do, however, expect to find people working alongside of me competent in two areas: one - that for which they were hired (be it BA, DBA, or data entry), and two - English. Not one or the other, - BOTH! A modicum of familiarity with the local culture and customs would be nice, but let's be realistic, and not set our goals too high (although, I thought that a morning shower and a fresh shirt every now and then was not unreasonable unless you're French, but I've been proven wrong there too).

Yet, it's becoming increasingly common to see IT shops where, an otherwise small ethnic or cultural minority is predominant. Generally, those tend to be Indian/Pakistani shops, but those are not the only possibilities. The question is, "Why?"

Why would a company located in LA, Chicago or NYC have a primarily Indian or Chinese or Russian IT organization? Yeah, yeah, yeah, the reality of it is, there's only one reason - $. Immigrants (even the qualified ones) are considerably cheaper than their American counterparts. Well, almost. Not all immigrants, but the reasonably new ones. But the low price tag comes with strings attached.

Communication skills. "I speak Anglis goodly" will pass at a local 7-Eleven, but not when you're trying to set up a server or determine software requirements. And at this point, I really don't give a shit that Rajesh has an MS in CS (sorry Dr. Seuss) and is a regular wunderkind when it comes to Oracle. If he answers "yes" to my "how" question, we're done. Unfortunately, Rajesh will frequently answer "yes" to any question because disagreeing with his superior or even simply an older man is considered impolite in his end of the world. And that is a problem.

Fragmented cliquish culture. It won't come as a surprise that an outsider (a regular American Joe or another immigrant, but from a different part of the world) will be uncomfortable, and frequently, ineffective in such a setting.

Low technical skills. Not always, but not infrequently either. (Of course when I don't understand three quarters of what Rajesh is saying, perhaps I'm not the best guy to judge his technical skills.) But chances are, Rajesh was recommended and hired by his manager, Sandeep, who, in spite of all indications to the contrary, has full faith that Rajesh will pick up that ETL stuff one of these days (while catching up on the news at Bangalore). Meanwhile, Joe (or Stan) will pick up the slack. (And Joe is getting more and more pissed.)

High turnover. It couldn't be any other way. Joe will leave because it'll become unbearable to work there. And Rajesh will eventually leave too, because he'll either pick up some English and get a better paying job, or he'll go back to Bangalore.

The issues mentioned above lead directly to low quality of the product. Any one of them taken by itself would have a negative impact on the quality, however, when combined it might prove to be lethal. But that, of course, in the long term. Meanwhile, the CIO is saving a few bucks, and Rajesh can cook a mean curry.

The Resignation Poem

As I was sitting in yet another insipid meeting, in the absence of "bullshit bingo", I crafted this "letter of resignation" for that imminent event.
---

I leave, I resign, I step down, I quit
Enough of your dumb-ass incessant bullshit.

My patience, you tested it, tortured and tried
Your presence alone makes me feel stultified.

Your product line (such as it is) just sucks ass
And LightYear app is a "bitchin' success."

Nero had nothing on your management style
Still aren't sure why I resign?

I've seen many morons, but none are like you
In love with yourself, and as smart as fondue.

Your Bachelor's, Master's, Kellogg MBA…
Yet shoe-sized IQ; how do you explain?

And so I conclude this epistle of mine
And happily send you where the Sun doesn't shine.

Scum Incarnate

Here's a true story about short and not-too-sweet engagement with one of the major consulting companies that unfortunately, is not that uncommon.

Spaghetti - USA (wholly-owned subsidiary of one of the Big Five)
Jacky B. (account executive), "Absolutely, Stan! You have nothing to worry about! This is a long-term project. And of course, should it end sooner than expected we have plenty of other opportunities. And finally, should the worst come to the worst; we have consultants that we kept on the bench for months!"

Stan, "Do you have an actual bench policy?"

Jacky, "No, no, we don't. But we're absolutely committed to a long-term relationship with you."
…
Stacy M. (recruiter), "I understand your concerns, Stan, but you really have nothing to worry about. This project is scheduled to go on for nine months. And that's just phase one; there are three phases in total."

Stan, "That's great! But should the bank decide to can the project, what is your bench policy?"

Stacy, "We don't have an official policy at Spaghetti, but I can assure you that we've had developers on the bench for months; we retrained them in other technologies, and staffed on other projects. And we have so many other opportunities for you, trust me, we'll keep you very busy."
…
Stan, being an incredulous fellow, asked both, Jacky and Stacy three times, and grilled them as much as he could regarding the off-chance of the project ending prematurely. He was married and had a child. He also was working on a five-year project that was barely in its second year.
…
A few days later, Stacy, "Stan, I have spoken to our executive VP, Raj, and he expressed an absolute commitment to you. And as a sign of our commitment, we'd like to offer you 10K more."

Stan (to himself), "Hm… I would've preferred a severance package. But they all seem to be on the same page as far as the project is concerned, and being on the bench doesn't appear to be an anathema. Beside, I have a pretty good set of skills, and if they have half as many projects as they claim, I shouldn't be on the bench for a long time." "OK! I'll join Spaghetti."

Jacky, "Congratulations! You won't regret it! It's an excellent company, and we have great plans for you. As a Principal Consultant, you'll be very busy in our BI practice."
…

Three days later the bank pulled the plug on the project.
…

Jacky, "Don't worry, Stan, enjoy the long weekend, and come in to the office on Monday."

Monday. Jacky (with hands shaking, and face that was somehow a subject of stronger gravitational force than anything else on the planet), "Stan… We have to staff you this week…"

Stan, "Yes, that would be great. What projects do you have on-going?"

Jacky (with her eyes shifting from one corner of floor to another), "Well,.. nothing at the moment…"

Stan (in disbelief), "Really? OK, well, perhaps I can take some training for whatever the upcoming projects you have. You have something in the pipeline, don't you?"

Jacky (looking at her feet, hands trembling), "We have to staff you this week. Otherwise, we'll have to let you go."

Stan, "Excuse me?!" "What happened to other projects, training, months on the bench, etc.?"

Jacky (pale, still not looking at Stan), "It's not my call. We'll try to staff you this week."

Stan, "But you have no projects going on, that require any resources, right?" - "Right."
Stan, "This is unacceptable! We have discussed this scenario at length only a few days ago, and both, you and Stacy assured me that nothing of this sort would happen."

Jacky, "We'll do our best to staff you this week."
…
Four hours later. Jacky, "We've discussed your situation with Raj, and he said that we can keep you on the bench for two weeks as we're trying to staff you." (followed by an obsequious smile)

Stan, "OK, it's better, but two weeks is still a very aggressive timeframe to staff a resource. Especially considering that you don't have any new projects coming up during this time."

Jacky, "Well, you can also look for another job. Perhaps you can contact your former employer and ask them whether they'd take you back… And one more thing… We'll be able to keep you on the bench for two weeks, but… at 50% of your salary."

Stan's eyes widened, jaw dropped, and he grew speechless. "OK…" To himself, "I guess, I'm not in the position to bargain at the moment." To Jacky, "But once I'm staffed it goes back to the level that was agreed upon last week, right?"

Jacky, "Well… Almost… Raj said that it should be 'more reasonable', so it'll be 10K less"
…
In the end, Stan agreed to travel to West coast just to keep the job. His salary was cut even after he was staffed. Spaghetti allowed him to come back to Midwest twice a month. Within six months he was able to find another job, and left the project just weeks before Spaghetti failed there.

Neither Spaghetti, nor Jacky, nor Stacy offered an apology. Furthermore, Jacky thought that Spaghetti was "more than fair" in its dealings with Stan.

To Those Considering Consulting

You’re about to graduate from college. Good grades, well-spoken, gregarious, don’t wanna get stuck in the office of some trucking company. Why not try consulting? Here are some pros and cons of going into consulting:

Pros:

1. Better pay. Generally, as a consultant you can expect to make more money then your "in house" counterpart for doing the same job (or even less qualified one). And the higher up on the consulting ladder you are, the greater the gap usually gets.

2. More variety. The projects are generally shorter term, faster paced with different clients, and in different places.

3. Greater professional exposure. You’ll have a chance to work within different industries, different teams, and with different technologies. (That’s generally the case, but there are plenty of exceptions.)

4. Looks good on the resume. Especially if you’re joining one of the big five.

5. Learn valuable skills. Chances are you studied French literature of the Renaissance, and have recently discovered that it might be not the most marketable knowledge. Fear not; if you have good grades, graduating from a decent college, and don’t suffer from Tourette syndrome you’ll have a chance to join an elite band of professionals where you’ll be given an opportunity to learn some highly prized skills.

6. Better social life. Trust me, it just is.

Cons:

1. 100% traveling. It’s good for a year or two, but after a while it’ll start wearing you down. Missed flights before Thanksgiving or your girlfriend’s B-day, twice a week five hour flights sitting next to a 300 lbs redneck who hasn’t showered for two weeks.

2. Dishonesty. Wait! Wait! Hear me out first. On a very basic level, let’s get a couple of things straight: as a new college grad (regardless of your internships and god-given talents) you are not worth $150 an hour (and if you’re joining one of the big five, it could be more than $300). And yet, that’s what your time will be charged at (or something not too far off).

Another very common issue in consulting is just blatant lying. Lying to clients about the effort involved, the degree of difficulty, talking up a vendor with whom the company has a partnership, proposing a costlier solution when there’s absolutely no reason for it, low-balling the client on the initial proposal, and then bending him over on change requests; all very common practices within consulting. Those who say otherwise are either lying, or haven’t been there long enough.

3. Lack of in-depth experience. As a consultant, you’ll have a chance to work with multiple technologies and in various verticals. It is somewhat rare however, to work with the same technology for a long period of time, and to gain some solid experience within a single industry and a specific set of tools. (Jack of all trades, but a master of none.)

4. Career volatility. Ask five consultants whether they were laid off at least once within the last 5 years, and at least four of them will say “Yes”. And being laid off by a consulting company is not the same thing as being laid off by a blue chip company. You’re lucky if you get two weeks severance. You aren’t billable for a couple of weeks, and it’s the unemployment office you. There are some exceptions (generally they’re smaller companies that will try to find some alternative use for their consultants), but not many.

5. Difficult to transition to another job. As a consultant with 2-3 years of experience, you probably haven’t built some very solid skills in anything yet (like I said earlier, different projects, different technologies). You’re already making somewhere between 50 and 70K a year, and would like to keep this salary. The problem is, at this point you’re only a good match for some other consulting company (no blue chip or mom and pop shop are going to pay a snot-nose like you 70K/year). And when the economy is down, it’s the consultants that go first. That’s a fact.

6. Stressful environment. As a consultant, every time you come in to the client’s office, you have a bull’s eye painted on your back. Chances are, your mere presence alone is a negative reflection on someone who will be working along side you, and on whom you’ll have to rely for information. Your language, your attire, the car you rented, duration of your coffee break, the wording of your emails, all will be scrutinized by the client, and any one of them can be a reason for your dismissal from the project (I’ve seen it happen).

Hard deadlines. They do, exist outside consulting, but nowhere near to the same degree. Every deliverable, every milestone in every project must be met on time. And in a totally new environment, with a new team, and perhaps a new technology, it tends to put a bit of strain on you.

7. Politicking. You don’t know what situation you’re walking into. Perhaps some senior manager on the client side has failed to meet the milestones twice already, and doesn’t believe that it can be done. It could be high time for a scape goat. Or perhaps, the success of the project will reveal certain aspects about the company that the senior management would really prefer to stay hidden. Seen that too. If you fail – you fail, and if you succeed – you’ve failed even worse.

8. Long, long, very long hours. Every project, no exceptions. At some point, when the project nears the end, you will put in anywhere from 60 to 120 hour weeks. Depending on the quality of your management, this might go on for months. And in the end, there might not even be a bonus.


Off the top of my head, that’s all I can think of for now. But feel free to ask questions, and I’ll answer them with absolute frankness.

Faster! Faster!

Midwestern metropolis. Scheduled weekly meeting for a case management implementation project ($10 mln.) for a local government.

Regional VP (Peter) is going over the milestones timeline.
Peter: "Reporting piece… Why are your requirements scheduled to be completed after the system design?!"
Stan, "In order for me to gather reporting requirements, I need to be able to point to some data elements on the forms. We'll end up spending much more time on reporting requirements if we start before nailing down the system design."
Peter, "We can't wait till the design is done. We need to push the reporting piece up. Work in parallel."
Stan, "... but what data fields can I reference if the forms design isn't complete and the data structures are undefined?"
Peter, "Just ask them what general queries they plan to run, and document that. It's a moving target; you'll have to revisit it once the design is done."
Stan, "…so we won't be able to have a complete document ('or anything semi-intelligent for that matter', to himself) until we finish system design anyway; why not wait a little and do it right in one sweep? It'll be faster and more efficient."
Peter, "We can't wait that long - we're on a tight budget."
Stan (after looking blankly at Peter), "OK, sir. I'll move up the reporting requirements deliverable to coincide with the deliverable of the system design."
Peter, "No. Move it up even earlier, you'll have some free cycles there."
Stan, "OK. Will do."

15 minutes later Stan delivered a new timeline where the completion of the reporting requirements was scheduled to precede that of the system requirements.

Long live productivity!